tips for strengthening your relationship
It’s February, the month for LOVE ❤️
When I’m asked what the formula is for a happy relationship, I reflect on my 27 years of marriage and what our formula has been.
For us it’s been the ability to really listen to each other and to remember to have fun together. I also tell couples that relationships are work, they’re not always fun, and when you both make the effort to work on your communication and make time for each other, your relationship strengthens.
Also, when you both make a commitment to practice communication skills, it can increase your intimacy and enhance your feelings of love towards one another.
Where to start? How can you fit this in?
When we’re communicating, we want to be heard and understood. We want to share ideas and feelings with our partner and do so in a healthy way. We also need to be able to listen to our partner, really listen. Not thinking of what we’ll say when they stop talking or interrupting them with your point of view or a story about you.
Start by setting aside 10 minutes a day without distractions (that might be the difficult part) and each of you takes 5 minutes to share about your day. Practice using opened ended questions “Tell me about your day” instead of closed ended questions “How was your day?” When you practice this type of communication you will learn more about your partner thus improving your communication skills.
If you notice that their tone sounds irritated, upset, or angry, then it might not be the right time to talk. If this happens, ask them when a good time would be to talk, both partners should commit to a time that evening. If they won’t agree to a time, you’ve both missed an opportunity to connect.
Take turns and set a timer if you’re feeling like your partner is dominating the conversation and you can’t get a word in. It’s probably not the right time to bring up a topic that typically elicits an emotional response from you or your partner. Plan a weekly date night (you don’t have to go out) and plan uninterrupted time to enjoy each other and have more in-depth conversations. When we’re enjoying each other we’re more open to listening to our partners feelings.
A fun and informative exercise for your date night could include the 5 Love Languages test by Gary Chapman (1995). You can learn about his love languages theory on his website and then share your Love Language(s) with each other. It’s another way to deepen your connections and understand your partner’s preferences. Once you know what they like, you can practice their Love Language and vice versa. What a fun Valentines date!
If you’d like to learn more about communication skills and deepening your relationship with your partner, I’ll be facilitating more Couples Communication Classes this year. Sign up on the website and reserve your spot!
Now, go enjoy this month of LOVE! ;)